Feel like living in your tiny Tokyo apartment isn’t easy? Be lucky your toilet isn’t next to your bed or worse. When it comes to nightmarish apartment layouts and other horrifically hilarious home design, Japan is a strong contender for the best of the worst housing ever.
Since 2017, Japanese folks on Twitter elect the most ridiculous living space of the year by sharing perplexing ads, awkward layouts and weird toilet placements using the hashtag #クソ物件オブザイヤー,or “crappiest apartments of the year.”
エントリー開始は11/16（月）7:30から！みんな、この週末で書きまくれー！！
“Entry starts at 7:30 on Monday, November 16th! Everyone, write this weekend!”
Here are our favorite entries for 2020.
Classic perplexing layout
拾い画像だけどこれかなぁ…
“Just an image I’ve picked up [online]…”
This (probably fake) apartment layout has been shared for years and regularly shows up on Japanese Twitter. It isn’t so bad, but I think anyone using theトイレ (toilet) is going to feel a bit vulnerable.
A kitchen perfect for skinny people
絶対に太りたくない人にオススメ！
ウエスト30センチ以下キープしないと料理できません（白目)
“Recommended for those who never want to get fat! You can’t cook unless you keep your waist under 30 cm or less (rolling eyes).”
In Japanese, 白目 (shirome) means “the white of one’s eye,” and is used in social media posts to express that someone is rolling their eyes with disbelief.
An apartment with a surprise
誰かこの部屋がなんなのか教えてくれ
“Someone tell me what this room is!”
Would you spend the night here?
広島に旅行に行った時に見つけたコレ。
ク○物件と言うよりも東洋の秘密だ。
“This is what I found when I went on a trip to Hiroshima. Rather than a crappy property, it’s a mystery of the orient.”
An apartment for long-lasting love
【愛が長続きする間取り】
アップルタワー東京キャナルコートのプレミアム部屋。お気づき頂けただろうか。ウォークインクローゼットからしかアクセスできないシャワー室、トイレ、納戸を。デリバリーしても、プレイ中に本妻が帰ってきても安心。これぞ愛が長続きする間取り
[Lasting love floor plan]
“A premium room at Apple Tower Tokyo Canal Court. Did you notice? The shower room, toilet and storage room can only be accessed from the walk-in closet. You’ll be safe even if your (legal) wife comes home when you’re having fun with a lady guest. This is a layout for lasting love.”
In this context, デリバリー is referring to a call girl.
When you see it
【エッシャーのだまし絵ハウス新築分譲】
この画像をみて115秒以内に状況が理解できたあなたの不動産IQは120です。
[Escher’s deception picture of a newly built house for sale]
“Your real estate IQ is 120 if you can see the situation within 15 seconds by looking at this image.”
Oh, shoot
The best entry has to be this kitchen invaded by a bamboo tree. It even made it on the news in Japan. Nature is quick to take over buildings left behind. In this case, it only took a month for this bamboo to spout through the floor. We may see even more crazy instances of nature taking over houses sometime soon, as Japan is going through an abandoned house epidemic. Currently, nearly one out of seven houses in Japan is an akiya, or vacant home.
【竹がフローリング突き破る】
祖父母の実家に１ヶ月ぶりに行ったらフローリング突き破って竹が生えていた。この竹事件がキッカケでTBS Nスタで全国放送デビュー、家族及び身内全員に”竹バズり“としていじられ、時の人ならぬ竹の人となりました
[Bamboo breaks through the flooring]
“When I went to my grandparents’ house for the first time in a month, Bamboo had broken through the flooring and grew. This bamboo incident made its national broadcast debut on TBS (Tokyo Broadcasting Station). Family members and relatives teased me for making a buzz with Bamboo, making me not the man of the hour but the bamboo man.”
The author is making a word game with 時の人, or “person of the hour” and 竹の人, “bamboo man.”
If you’d like to read some more, here’s the hashtag to find them all:
#クソ物件オブザイヤー2020.
How to use ぶり (buri) in Japanese
Does ぶり ring a bell? If you’re an anime fan or a Japanese language learner, you’re probably spotting a resemblance with 久（ひさ）しぶり which translates to “long time no see.”
You say 久しぶり or, more politely, お久しぶりです, when you encounter people you haven’t seen in a while.
“Buri”is also a suffix that means “long it has been since~” in Japanese. The suffix works with periods, such as days, months or years.
Pay attention to 日, which is a Japanese counter.
3日ぶり = for the first time in 3 days
１ヶ月ぶり = It’s been 1 month since…
何年ぶり~ = How many years (have passed) since~? (or “when was the last time~”)
Pay attention to 日, which is a Japanese counter. The reading か or にち differ depending on what ‘type’ of days you’re referring to – counting them or referring to the calendar. Here’s how you should read them whenever you want to refer to a period of days with ぶり:
From the decimals, the reading is にち with the regular numbers:
- Etc…
With a couple of minor exceptions:
Vocabulary
物件 bukken property 東洋 touyou Orient 本妻 honsai legal wife 新築分譲 shinchiku bunjyou newly built property for sale 突き破る tsukiyaburu break, poke through 祖父母 sofubo grandparent 生える haeru grow
