Dating in your late ’20s isn’t as fun as one imagines. I quikly grew tired of swiping right on potential partners and when the ghosts from my dating past kept crawling back into my life, I decided to go ‘Boy Sober’ for a month.
What 30 days of the ‘Boy Sober’ trend did to me
Hallmark rom-com movies ruined dating for me – the perfect relationship born out of an exchange of a glance and lasts for eons. The real-life experience is quite exhausting.
If you are an active dater, you must be familiar with the anxiety that comes with each unanswered text and the bouts of jitters just when you’re headed out to meet a romantic interest.
This doesn’t get any better with every date, but taking a break from the pattern surely calmed my nerves and helped me achieve more clarity on what I was after.
I learned to focus on myself
Here’s the thing – it doesn’t matter if every conversation materializes into anything meaningful, but we still crave validation when associated with another human, especially romantically.
Naturally, you’re investing more time in pleasing the man you’re seeing or hope to see – from capturing the perfect selfie to decking up for a dinner date.
However, when I took a break from dating, I got to invest all the energy and time into bettering myself and it didn’t matter what I wore or how I looked because I wasn’t looking for validation.
My sleep cycle was back on track
Dating as an adult means sacrificing some of the most important aspects of your life to make things work. If you’re both working individuals, that too with different hours, late-night chats or long calls at ungodly hours are unavoidable.
But when I didn’t have anyone waiting for my text/call or worse, convincing me to stay up all night on a weekend, I was able to sleep peacefully, wake up at my own pace and even hurkle-durkle in the morning.
More time with my loved ones
I am a hopeless romantic, so dating is all the more tiring and exhausting. I become obsessed with planning the perfect night out or finding the most unique present for my special someone.
However, when I went Boy Sober, I spent the same time and energy on my loved ones and my adorable pets, for they deserve more than that.
Catching up with my lady friends always works wonders for my mental health, especially when I am PMSing with erratic mood swings.
Dating expert James Peerce told The Focus that taking a break from dating would naturally help you focus on other interpersonal relationships.
“Having a (short) break can be a great way to get a more positive mindset. Spend time reconnecting with your family and friends and do things just for you. Whatever you do, do things that make you happy and rebuild your confidence and hope,” he explained.
I could add more to my savings
Dating is an expensive deal, there’s no doubt about that. Whether you want to go on a long drive or catch up over dinner, neither would unfold without money being spent.
As I strongly believe both parties need to split bills equally on a date, I would find myself broke every month after a date or two thanks to inflation.
But, a month of ‘Boy Sober’ did help me save up a decent amount of money, which I would rather invest in myself.
Now I’m more confident than ever
In addition to everything I shared above, abstaining from dating helped me understand my own setbacks and weaknesses through introspection. Now I know what I truly want and I am confident enough not to let rejections bog me down.
Adding to this, James told The Focus: “Dating can quickly become frustrating if you aren’t having much success. After a while, going out on dates can feel like a huge chore and you almost give up hope. So much swiping, talking, and a lot of time wasted. Once it stops being fun then it’s definitely a good idea to stop for a while.”
“Use it as a chance to really think about what you want. When you start back, focus on quality rather than quantity. It’s better to have a few good matches than lots of mediocre ones,” he added.
